Frequently Asked Questions to our respected Managers.

Q.1) Customer : When could this very low priority PR be fixed?

Babu: I will prepare a plan to fix this PR in all possible formats like word, excel, paint etc and will let you know ASAP. If I will find any bug in MS word and MS excel or any MS application.

SK: Oh this PR is my baby.
I have designed the whole Architecture for this PR.
I use to seat with Raghu for hours (so that he can also not do any thing productive what so ever).
I always make such bugs possible in bug free application.
I will also guide him so that he will never ever able to fix anything.

I…
I…

I….

Nalam : We will fix this JavaScript error in back-end of CARM for Banks after all its also CARM. (He is logically intellectual. Isn’t he ?).


Trainee SK: Sir Today we have estimated this PR for 30 person days.So we will do it by EOD today sir..no problem sir…I am Thadikamala S Kumar sir. Thank You sir …Thank You very much sir…we are always there for you sir…


SRK*:

Well, looking for answer?
This question are not meant to be answered (Managemet tip). This PR has just entered the list of Long Pending PR’s. And, will take all the Management time in all the meeting from now on.


Q.2) After being free for couple of months and with surety to be free for next couple of month. Resource (no pun intended) ask for a days leave?

Babu: No Resource, you should understand that CARM is a flag ship project. You cannot take leave as we might get some least important work if Taliban wins in Iraq (yes Iraq...) and Afghanistan economy takes over that of US. Being such a senior resource you should think all this even before asking for leave. Even now if you want leave then it will affect your TPM and I have to raise it to senior management.


SK : Leave … Holiday !! (Time 11:30 AM)
I would also (also == hope) like to take holiday. Holiday is such a nice thing from such a stress fool job. Even, Uncle John use to take holiday. …..

I can enjoy.. only enjoy and have all the perks in my team not you disgusting thing.

…. I….I….I….

(Time: 12:00 PM).

If you bothered to ask who is uncle john…Congratulations you have just skipped your lunch. But be optimistic about dinner.

Nalam:


No he is not on leave …. but Obviously not in office either.

TSK: No problem boss. I am a very different kind of manager. I am not afraid of anyone. I will talk to George, Tom and Jeff. I will also talk to HR and will raise this point in our senior managers meeting with Chetan. I will definately let you know Boss by EOD today.

EOD is not less then End of Decade…I believe.

Is leave sanctioned: Do you thought it could be sanctioned?


SRK*:



* : Apologies for my ignorance. But this is the initiative you can take.

more to come.......

Perfection – A remote thing now…

Perfection – A remote thing now…

Once upon a time we were use to have perfect and repeating defect full managers. Now we are presented with an altogether new flavour… welcome the grand and gigantic SRK…

Intro:

SRK loves to talk and is un-capable of listening (Common disease found in breed of managers…) and simple understanding is beyond the capability of available IQ.

(Monday):
ONC: This is a high priority task, should be completed by end of this week
SRK: Ok, don’t worry I will take this up at the utmost highest prioritised task.

(srk approaches IS)
srk: What are you working on?
is : PRXXXXXX, analysis is complete and I am planning to start coding.
(srk unable to comprehend what IS said…)
srk : Are you free ?
is : Actually I have to start codi...(unable to complete the sentence)
srk : Can I take your 5 mins
is: Actually, I am in the middle…
srk : Ok, let us go for a 10 mins meeting:

..... after 30 mins in meeting room..
srk : So is you understand the severity of this task, I want you to complete this task by end of day today.
is : Actually I have to leave early today and….(unable to complete the sentence)
srk : where are you going?
is : Actually it is a personal stuff
srk : tell me where are you going?
is : I have a movie booking today…
srk : Show me your tickets..
is : ?

Robot is No more Perfect

We always believed that one useless resource could always be replaced by another useless one ... this is no more true... Ppl started missing Babu ( yeah !! you heard it right ....it is babu)....

Let me try to characterize few properties of robot's replacement ....

Action1: Send a mail awaiting reply.
Responce: No responce.

Action2: Send a gentle reminder mail awaiting reply.
Responce: No responce.

Action3: Send a gentle reminder 2 mail awaiting reply.
Responce: No responce.

Action4: Conf call
EArlier Responce: (Oh I miss this one) Hi, this is vv speaking , i have the offshore team with me ..blah blah .....CRAP..CRAP....and more Crap..
Current One: No responce, Does not exist, go to Action1.

Q. What does management has to say on this?
A. Wel, I think communication is a problem with ONCs, we must send some mature ppl there, and we must pay respect to PL's (coz they miss it ;) ) so as to get it back in responce.

Management the CARM way !!!

Its a long time since our site has been inactive so I just thought why not shake up the dust a bit. Guys at some point or the other we have always proudly stated in our resumes that we have worked for a project called CARM. CARM has now extended its wings beyond IT. Its true, we have some solid management doctrines which we should copyright , lest it is borrowed by Wharton or Harvard. The last 6 months have taught me many new principles in management. I would like to share some of them with you guys.

1) The key to managing is to have more leaders than workers. We have successfully implemented this in our team and delivering excellent results. We have 1 PL , 2 designate TL's and 6 ML's (module leads) , 3 ONC's and some FR leads depending on the situation. So in a team of 25 people 14 people are managing. Amazing isn't it !!

2) Participate in all the activities that your PL does, even if you do not know how to participate, just be around. eg. If you don't know how to play carrom, watch your PL play and encourage him. If you do not want to go to the gym, just be beside him so that you can hold his towel. This encourages camaraderie. You come closer to a person.

3) If you are not confident about anything, talk a lot about that topic and confuse others. Confusion is the best solution when you do not have answers to a question.

I can go on and on but I'd rather let your creative juices flow, and moreover as a worker I do not have the luxury to fool around. I have to give estimates for a task of which I know nothing....

A JAIN-ral time-paas.

This one is dedicated to our current F/e ONC Deepam. No offence meant.

Ladies and JAIN-tlemen,
You're being introduced to the JAIN family ... The ones who make life possible are the Oxy JAIN ... the ones who make er ... night life possible are the Night-ro-JAIN and then there are those who are difficult to spot, the Hide-ro-JAIN.
Our little ones are called, Lacto JAIN and our holy men are the Halo JAIN.
Er... you must have heard of our holy place ... arrey bhai ... Uj-JAIN ... yes, and that's under constant threat from our enemies, The Anti-JAINS, not to mention their mindless allies, the antibodies.
We are an open society, without any JAINder bias ... you see, we are a JAINeration ahead!
Our four fathers (or were there five?) were the founders of JAINetic Engineering.
With the launch of our Bharatiya JAINta Party, we are all set to become a political superpower. Our family anthem will be JAINa Gana Mana ...
Here, on Orkut, we are trying to trace our ori-JAIN (was wearing white shorts when we last saw him).
Why am I doing this to you ? ... JAINerally ...

The Replacement .......... ( LALLAN ) ......

Wel , after too many posts , babu quit the project and leave us processless.......

But not to worry, there always exist a possibility to replace a useless resource with another useless one. ;)

GentleMen and GentleLadies, I cheerfully annouce the entry of Lallan on our blog. He is going to take the handover from babu........ and .......will start acting like babu ( i know its difficult but ....) ... i mean acting FE-TL.

Characterising the qualities will take some time .....................

[...to be continued]...

Au revoir

I will be leaving GLT today and I will be leaving India next week, flying back to France and then later to UK.

How to write down in a mail two years of my life ...
How to thank all of you for making these two years unforgettable ...
Many of you tried to teach my Hindi, even if I was a very bad student I will always remember some of these expressions.
I taught some of you some French and very quickly I was hearing in my cubicle some "Bonjour, ca va?" in the morning and some "Au wevoiw" in the evening !
People in GLT have in them something special which is difficult to find elsewhere : dedication, friendship, happiness.
Of course, I feel I would need more time to enjoy all of that : some more months to write more Java code for Carm, some more time to visit all the places in India I still do not know, more coffee breaks with my friends, more lunches at the cafeteria (hmmmm, maybe I should stop here, else you might not believe what I am writing : but still I really enjoyed the Thursday Tava Bahji !), and more time with all of you.
Thanks for all the welcome, help and friendship you all gave me here.
I will go back to Europe with Jude, my son who was born here and I am sure he has in him a lot of this India that Raph a I loved.
Just looking at him we will always remember these two years.

All the best to all of you.
Chalo !

Veronique
vbonnefo@yahoo.com

Appreciation

Law of document appreciation:

Regardless of the coding efficiency, the more the number of document you make, (not to mention ...with repeted contents) the more the chances of you getting credibility from management.

Complexity and unreadibility of the document is directly proportional to the level of appreciation.

Best things about document is :
- They will never be read by real humans.(..only MS Word will read them fully , only for spell check)
-If you have a document u are on the track otherwise not,no matter what you have coded.
-FOR developer: They are the only tool via wich manager knows that developers are working
-For Manager : They are the only tool via which developer know the manager is working.


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